Local News? Nothing's New!

Each time I watch the local news, nothing's new or even new news for that matter. In fact, mostly all of it is bad, bad, bad news and I'm sick of it. I know I'm not alone in this, but this is MY blog so I can complain if I want to.

To top it all off, they put groomed men and perky women on TV to deliver this not-new-news; that's really all-bad-news. Here's an idea, if all the new news is going to be bad all day, why not just put the frumpy camera guy or fat makeup woman on the screen to deliver the all-bad-news?

Here were top stories today on my local new news:

• Chelsey Clinton visits Vera Wang for her upcoming $3 million dollar wedding (Roanoke police pay more for early patrols!)
• Roanoke opens food shelter, Police cancel annual ball.
• Gangs are now killing each other within their own gangs.
• $300 Kabillion more of the Auto Czar's money is now going to war (who is going to pay for that people? I vaguely remember something about no tax increases?)
• Obama yells about something and says, "Look-it!"
• Arizona will be attacking people real, real soon just because they are not white.
• Forget the meth lab homes, now we have meth traveling trailers! Oh my!
• Pork could kill me now.
• Rush Limbaugh is still insane. Look for my sister's blog real soon: "Don't 'rush' me, but I'll take a Vicodin.com"

Is there every any good news or interesting news? Or, news that's new news that I haven't heard before? Oh I saw a 20/20 episode on Sunday that was not new news, but because it was on the other side of the country in Ohio, it was new news to me. I was horrified at the state of some Ohioans that have no food, no where to live, no way to feed their kids--nada, nothing and no one, not even their Governor is helping them. (By the by, all the commercials begged me to give money to Haiti or Africa duh!)

Some chick that runs a food shelter had a gem of an idea that she would give each person a paper plate to write a message to Obama (aka the Auto Czar, now War Czar, now Geez let's keep spending money on nothing Czar). As I watched this story on Ohio local news, one man (who was deceased by airtime) did at least get to write his note:

"Dear President Obama: I worked hard all my life and I died hungry." This made me cry as I wrote my check to Haiti and Africa people!

20/20 showed the food shelter woman mail over 2,000 paper plates with notes to the Auto Czar and yep, you guessed it! Don't look for an answer on your local news! Nothing's new here folks.

No response from Obama like: "Look-it, I'm trying people!" or, "I just gave like $300 Kabillion to the war folks, what else do you want?" or "Wow some guy worked hard all his life and died hungry? Did you see that Michelle? Eat your refried beans, they make your ass look nice! Make sure you don't choke and swallow it down with that tasty and expensive champagne!"

Nope folks, not only is nothing new in local news, it's not even news. We need to revisit the word "news." I think we should call all news shows "Same Old Shit," and we could identify how they were different by who delivered the same old shit like: "Same Old Shit by Edgar Bummer" or "Same Old Shit by Kickass Terry."

Newspapers complain they're losing readers and will have to close if circulation doesn't increase soon. Who cares people--after all, in their local written news, nothing's new either! There is no new news and that's sad people!

Thank God football is back in August!

Tebow and Vick: Top Selling Jerseys?

Okay people, I can't believe this statistic but it sure appears to be true that Tim Tebow and Vick are top selling jersey winners in the NFL.

Tim Tebow has never set foot in a real NFL game and as a rookie QB, this is just a fantasy. Even if everyone is calling him the Mile High Messiah, wake up folks, why buy the jersey before you see the performance or enjoying someone like James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers crushing him to the ground and saying, "Welcome to the NFL dude!"

Then along with Tebow and his best selling jersey, I was astonished that Michael Vick is one NFL player that made this top selling jersey list for the NFL. REALLY WAKE UP HERE PEOPLE! I mean I don't care how much he has apologized or received counseling or even volunteers for the Humane Society, the man is a creep, a criminal, and sends a message to our youth that, yes you can beat the shit out of your pets (he particularly loves to kill and beat dogs) and still go on make more money than God.

If Michael Vick's jersey continues as a best seller, I may have to switch my favorite sport from football to NASCAR, and that would be a shame folks, because it makes me anxious to watch all those drivers go straight and left (because that's all they really do for like about 20 hours)!

If you are opposed to either Vick or Tebow have top selling jerseys in the NFL, I certainly want to hear from you!

And to James Harrison---kick his ass (if you know what I mean)!

Alan Greenspan Was Tortured By Committee Head

Today in Washington, the Financial Crisis Inquiry Committee did not welcome the ex-head-of-the-Fed. No folks, Alan Greenspan was tortured by committee head Phil Angelides. Good old Phil by the way is a former state treasurer of California so THAT REALLY MAKES HIM AN EXPERT! Geez people!

Sure the Auto Czar Obama wants to find out what happened to our economy so why not start with the ex-Federal Reserve head, Alan? Makes sense right? Not if Phil intended to torture the man!

While Alan Greenspan did a good job of defending himself by saying I was right 70% of the time, Phil pointed out, "so you were wrong 30% of the time right?" Lord!

When Greenspan pointed out that the Federal Reserve had no enforcement power, good old Phil said, "Would you put this all under the category of 'oops', you should have done it?" Does this former California State Treasurer have a brain? I don't think so folks.

It sort of reminded me when Bobby Kennedy was sure and certain that the mob killed his bro Jack so he created his own committee to drill the mob. If you're old enough you can remember those black and white shaky television screen images of Bobby yelling and torturing, never allowing the little Italian mob guy to even answer one question. That's power people!

Does Phil think he has the same power? I'm not sure but Alan Greenspan was tortured by this committee head and Phil, you need a Xanax!

Well Spring is here folks and I for one am glad. A big reason why I'm glad is that it will be a long time until I get my November issue of Vanity Fair and it's 100% guaranteed that a Kennedy will be on the front cover. Wow, can't wait!

Unless people, like good old Phil has his way, maybe he'll make the cover, finger pointing, shouting and all! A Bobby double....how sad!

Christopher Hitchens: Wow People!

Wow People! I have received some interesting comments on my YouTube video "Christopher Hitchens Should Go Back to England!"

If you know jeanlovesyoulongtime you know that Chris, seen here, is not one of her favorites. I guess I began to dislike him when he decided to rent a little red Corvette and travel Route 66. Since jeanlovesyoulongtime lives in New Mexico when Mr. Hitchens' story came out in Vanity Fair Magazine about his travels, he was down right rude about the people who lived in Gallup, especially the Native Americans. And to imagine that a nationally known magazine would let him call them such deadbeats who sell their wares at every business stop, was just not nice. No sir! What makes him better than anyone else except his own interpretation of his God-like complex!

Well, I didn't buy Mr. Hitchens' last book, "God is Not Great," and I don't really care to read his memoir: "Hitch-22" (title kind of stolen here from Joseph Heller I think who wrote Catch 22). I really can't imagine anything nice this man could say about anyone but himself so it's probably better he does write a memoir instead of another blasphemous book!

Chris is an atheist and loves to talk about it with his good friend Bill Maher. Actually last Friday on Real Time With Bill Maher, Chris and Bill chuckled about the Catholic faith and made fun of something they don't believe in, sort of like two idiots talking about something they know nothing about. If we would have thrown Glenn Beck in there we could have had three stooges!

I don't like the way Hitchens and Maher continue to talk about all Catholic priests being pedophiles either. I mean don't most of you think pedophiles think becoming a Catholic priest would be the perfect job? The priesthood does not turn men into pedophiles folks, it's the other way around. And I'm sure there are plenty of Rabbis and Ministers of other faiths that love little boys too.

What does Hitchens know about churches and faith anyway? He is originally from England and we all know how their church came about. When Henry VIII couldn't marry the gal he wanted he said screw the Pope and came up with the Church of England-- run by a monarch. And Chris says Church and State should ALWAYS be separated. Perhaps he needs to look at his homeland before he makes fun of other churches and religions.

To top that off, I don't think Christopher Hitchens can appear on television without a drinky poo or two or many. You can tell by his wobbly appearance and he engages in public speaking a lot so I don't think it's nerves.

Last Friday when Chris appeared on the Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO, he was wearing an Irish Flag pin. What? I know, I thought the same thing people! Good old Chris was probably still celebrating St. Patrick's day and the brew it traditionally brings.

I guess it's OK for Hitchens to believe in St. Patrick, I mean after all, it's just another day for the dude to drink! What can I say? Christopher Hitchens? Wow People, Wow!

Don't Read the Health Care Bill

I am suggesting that you don't read the health care bill, all 1,990 pages of it. If you must, you can find it here. If that doesn't work, try this: http://docs.house.gov/rules/health/111_ahcaa.pdf. Man this Bill is longer than Gone With the Wind which was 1,037 pages long and jeanlovesyoulongtime didn't read that either! The movie, although long, was just as informative and Clark Gable is better to look at than a picture of Margaret Mitchell!

First off folks, I think we won't see much from this ASAP or anytime soon! Most of the items outlined in the health care bill don't go into effect until the year 2014. Jeanlovesyoulongtime could be dead by then! I ask for no comments on this last statement.

Look at Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi here! This woman lives in California! Can't she do something with her face considering all the plastic surgeons that live there? Geez people!

I don't trust her and I don't trust the Auto Czar aka Obama who ruined the auto industry. Now it's here and yes folks, they are about to intervene! They LOVE health care! They want us all covered and right, right now! Pelosi and Obama probably tweet everyday about it and laugh, and laugh, and laugh!

But it's you and I they are laughing at folks. Sure the Republicans are against killing grandmas and the public option and all, but this health care bill won't even help some of our elderly, they'll could be dead by 2014 anyway! Maybe the Democrats should have went with some of the Republicans and their suggestions, we could have saved grandmas everywhere!

Everyone is whispering, yelling, fighting, and talking about the health care bill, but here at jeanlovesyoulongtime, we say don't waste your valuable time or breath. Our health care premiums here went up 27% this year because jeanlovesyoulongtime turned 50!

Well as I said, don't read the health care bill, but if you must, don't complain to me, find Nancy Pelosi's website or blog and blog, and blog and blog your thoughts until you can't blog anymore.

For now, I'm rolling up spare change to make my health care payment this month.

Ben Roethlisberger Assault

Well folks, this just in, there has been another Ben Roethlisberger assault accusation. This really saddens jeanlovesyoulongtime. Not because he did it, but because some women out there are truly desperate.

This new assault apparently took place in a place called Milledgeville Georgia. First off, what kind of city is that and who came up with that name?

Second, and I swear, TMZ reported the alleged victim said, "the man was six foot five, and weight 241 pounds and had brown hair and brown eyes." I don't know about you people, but if jeanlovesyoulongtime was assaulted, I'd be lucky if I remembered the guy had brown eyes and brown hair! How does this woman know he was 6.5 plus he weighed in exactly at 241 pounds? She must have had her hand in his pocket and his wallet with his vitals slipped out. Please people!

So far, the other woman, Andrea McNulty, who filed a civil suit against Big Ben for raping her in Lake Tahoe has still not accepted Ben's offer to pay for her to get mental help. I mean someone send these women some aluminium foil for their heads and swoop in the mother ship to pick them up!

I know economic times are hard, but as soon as Ben Roethlisberger got his franchise quarterback BIG salary, women are apparently being assaulted by Big Ben everywhere. Yes there is another Ben Roethlisberger assault and here at jeanlovesyoulongtime, we say rubbish!

Jessica Simpson's Appearance on Oprah

Jessica Simpson's appearance on Oprah was, well, WAS SHE REALLY EVEN THERE PEOPLE? I know this gal of "is it chicken or is it fish," is dumb, but her responses to John Mayer's comments about their love life were just plain idiotic.

Simpson told Oprah, "I'm not angry. Well, Um...I'm a little bit angry. Oh yeah I'm angry," were too amusing for jeanlovesyoulongtime! WAKE UP JESS K?

Mayer has said of their lovemaking that Jessica is like "crack cocaine" and "napalm." Her response to Oprah here on how she felt was, "Um..I don't want people to know what I'm like in bed." Geez folks, I mean wow, way wow.

If you know jeanlovesyoulongtime, you know I'm a fan of old time movies where sex was just "implicated" not really shown. But heck we knew what Bette Davis was doing with Claude Raines when the screen faded to black and we liked it that way...a little imagination goes a long, long way here folks.

I didn't watch Jessica Simpson's appearance on Oprah and I'm glad I didn't. To be amused or interested in this kind of fodder is for the young and the stupid.

I liked Jessica better when she was trying to figure out what was in the can, tuna or chicken. Stay off the air Jessica and if you must be on a talk show, be graceful, be something! I mean come on folks, the wind just whistles through this gal's ears and jeanlovesyoulongtime hates stupid women. Go read a book Jess, you can start with Dr. Suess.

Why My Dog's Name Is PT

My friends often ask me why my dog's name is PT? Because my husband once sold Chrysler vehicles, most people think it is because of the PT Cruiser...but no folks, it's not.

Perhaps PT has the most unusual dog name on the planet. I searched for weird pet names and while there were some good ones, none could top PT's real name.

We got PT from a friend who found 4 Labrador mix puppies on the side of the road. Our friend (who I won't name here as he might be embarrassed because he's just like JOE), owns a company named Taos Sanitary Supply and provides our Ford dealership with paper products.

In any event, our friend here told us if we took one of these labs he would give us a FREE case of paper towels, hence the name, PT. As my husband says, we really couldn't call him Taos Sanitary Supply right?

After we brought PT home to our other 4 adult dogs, they didn't much care for PT and his puppy playfulness. We called our friend back and said, "hey can we have another one, perhaps a girl to play with PT?" That's how we ended up with our 6th dog, SN or sanitary napkin! Oh people no way would I call a dog sanitary napkin! Do you think jeanlovesyoulongtime has LOST HER MIND?

Anyway, while PT's name is really paper towel, we did give the girl a cute name...Melanie. And there you have it folks, that is why my dog's name is PT and I don't think I want anymore puppies from the Taos Sanitary Supply guy...paper plate, paper cup, toilet paper, it could go on and on and that would give jeanlovesyoulongtime a big headache!

Kudos to Johnny Weir

Kudos to Johnny Weir, who in my opinion and many others was cheated out of a medal with his awesome short program and elegant free skate in the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

Both Canadians and Australians are screaming "are you gay dude? Give it up!" What difference does it make people?

The best part of Johnny Weir is perhaps is cool, calm, and polite demeanor who poo-pooed journalist's questions with dignity.

Many charter and independent schools utilize the skills of EQ or Emotional Intelligence. If you don't know what this means, you're a loser. No really you're not, but EQ is all about I'm me and I'm OK and you are you and you're OK. (This is the best definition I can come up with for adults who are judgmental losers). It's a way for our children to grow up without hate, without judgment, without harsh words.

More adults need to learn EQ instead of picking on an amazing skater and champion who got robbed.

Kudos to Johnny Weir, and nope folks, he isn't "weir"d!!!!!

Canadian Women's Hockey Team Are Girls Gone Wild

OK folks, the Canadian women's hockey team are girls gone wild. Horror, shame with pictures splashed across television and the Internet! Really people?

These are just a bunch of girls gone wild who are so happy to have won Olympic gold in their OWN country. Who can fault them for a little drinky poo and a cigar? Oh and the ones who are one year underage for British Columbia's drinking age...please like they've never had a sip of alcohol!

If this was the men's hockey team from Canada who won gold (but it won't be because the US plans to do this), no one would have said a thing. A double standard, even in the Olympics....please people!

Let these women have their fun and relish in something they are proud of. Of course they apologized because most likely the MEN officials, coaches, and judges told them they must or else! Or else what men dudes?

Yes while Canadian women's hockey team are girls gone wild, I say kudos. I say pass me a cigar!